if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
