Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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