Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
