Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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