Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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