So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
