Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
