I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
