His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
