I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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