My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
