she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize