WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
