Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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