Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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