I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
