So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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