Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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