so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
