will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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