I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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