He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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