your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
