Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
