my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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