before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
