how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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