people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize