I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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