I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
