all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
