Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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