Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
