I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
