The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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