Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
