i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
