just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
