Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
