Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
