I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
