I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
