So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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