some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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