this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
