Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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