So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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