I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
