you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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