ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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