i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
found the other keg... it's in the tree
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
