Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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