everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Two words: nipple clamps
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