you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
