Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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