dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
