definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Randomize
