So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My pussy is not your playground.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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