I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
