I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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