there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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