she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
