Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
