Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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