If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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