I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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