I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
