i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
