my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
