Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
