Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
