So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
