Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I need to sanitize my soul.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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