Non-Jews are for practice
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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