My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
