if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He better not be in your backpack
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
