Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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