dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
