Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
