Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
