Umm I'm too high to move.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
she smelled like a LAN party
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
