Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
