I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm passing your future prison.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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