This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
