Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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