There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
