I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize