what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
