Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
